Keep Fighting This Battle
by Miss Peg
Summary: Emily wakes to find Naomi's not there, four times in a month. Doubt and fears are relived until Naomi finally comes home and both girls are forced to face up to past events.


**Title: **Keep Fighting This Battle

**Author:** Miss Peg

**Rating: **T

**Characters:** Naomi/Emily

**Disclaimer: **Jamie Brittain is welcome to give me Skins as a Christmas present, but for now it belongs to him and his dad.

**Notes: **This** one-shot** is for JM, you know why. Love and hugs to you xxxxxxx

**Keep Fighting This Battle**

The brightly lit digital clock stood out against the shadows of the early morning darkness. It had gone three. Emily turned over, rearranged herself under the bedcovers until her eyes landed on the space beside her. Empty. For the fourth Tuesday in five weeks. The first week she'd panicked, worried that perhaps Naomi had been hurt in an accident or worse, raped or murdered. A couple of hours later Emily had rushed to the front door as soon as she heard the key in the lock. What chance did she have of getting back to sleep when she was sick with worry? Naomi had been caught by surprise when Emily wrapped her up in a hug and kissed her repeatedly. Her only explanation was that she lost track of time at work.

'Protests take a lot of planning.'

'You could have called.'

'I sent you a text!'

'Saying you would be late and not to wait up. I expected twelve, one at the latest. Not four in the fucking morning.'

'I know. I'm sorry.'

A week later the same thing happened, their bed was empty long after twelve. Emily's first reaction, again, was fear of something horrible happening to Naomi in the depths of the night. She paced the lounge, drank four cups of tea and flicked through over one hundred television and radio channels half a dozen times. When she heard the door click shut around four thirty she shut off the light and pretended to be asleep.

'Naomi,' Emily whispered, placing a mug of steaming hot tea on the bedside table and shaking her awake.

'Jesus,' Naomi snapped, rubbing her eyes and glaring around the room. 'Can't be time to get up.'

'You look rough.'

Naomi's signature eye roll made Emily laugh.

'Thanks for that.'

'What time did you get home?' Emily asked, curling a few strands of Naomi's hair around her fingers.

'One, maybe two.'

If Emily hadn't been so furious she would have been honest with Naomi. Her hand slipped from Naomi's hair, flinched at the thought of the outright lie. She couldn't avoid the tiny digging feeling that Naomi was lying about a lot more than time.

'I must have been asleep,' she muttered, lying to cover up what she knew.

Sophia sprang to mind. She couldn't stop it, couldn't avoid the blemish on their past from coming into the room uninvited and chaining herself between them.

Emily let it slide. What other choice did she have? She wasn't ready to confront her. Last time she couldn't think that way. Last time she didn't get a warning, she didn't get a chance to process the possibility before she knew the truth. She couldn't jump in. If she did, she wasn't sure how she'd react.

Now it was different. Now she knew Naomi hadn't disappeared for the whole night just twice. She'd been gone four times, each on the same night of the week. She made herself a mug of tea, sat down at the kitchen table and considered her position. She couldn't take the lying anymore, didn't want to have the possibility that Naomi was cheating on her hanging over their seemingly perfect relationship.

When the door opened that night she didn't move. She continued to drink her third mug of tea and ate a biscuit in near silence. She heard her before she saw her, whispering on her phone.

'I'm home, no murderers have got me.'

An ache tugged at Emily's heart as she heart Naomi's laugh. She wanted to be angry, yet all she felt was overwhelming sadness. If she'd been angry, she could have pulled the phone from Naomi's hand and screamed at her cheating lover. But her heart was breaking and she was powerless to stop it. Then the final nail hit the coffin.

'I'm not going to tell her yet, I was just going through something earlier. I love you too.'

The biscuits and tea retreated on their decent down her throat. Emily gagged for a moment, the potential to throw up making itself known. Then Naomi pushed the door fully open, a huge smile on her face disappeared the second she spotted Emily sat at the table.

'You love her?' she gasped, struggling to breathe.

Naomi frowned, looked more confused than shocked. 'My mum?'

'You were talking to your mum?' Emily asked, calmly. 'I don't believe you.'

'Christ Emily,' she rolled her eye, glared at her in confusion.

'Don't fucking act like I'm making something up. I'm not stupid Naomi. I know that something's going on. I won't tell her, I love you. Why the fuck would you say that to Gina?'

Naomi's eyes grew wide with resentment.

'Don't fucking accuse me of something when you know nothing, NOTHING about this.'

'So there is something? You're not even fucking denying it?'

'No I'm not denying it, but it's not what you fucking think Emily.'

'Yeah, sure, that's what they all say. Who is she?'

'Who's who?'

'The girl you're shagging behind my back.'

Naomi raised an eyebrow, goaded her with a sarcastic tone, 'Who says it's a girl?'

Slap.

'Jesus Emily,' Naomi gasped, clutching her red cheek. 'I was joking. What is fucking wrong with you?'

The anger rose up inside of Emily's chest, wrapped itself around her throat and heart. It made her helpless to her own emotions. She hated what she'd just done, yet the anger clouded her judgement and tears followed.

'You, that's what,' she cried. 'Fucking someone behind my back. I thought we got over this, I thought you fucking loved me.'

'Of course I love you,' Naomi sighed. 'Don't make fucking assumptions Emily. I'm not cheating on you.'

'No?' Emily asked, sitting back down, her knees too weak to hold her shaking body. 'Then give me some other fucking good explanation as to where you've been every Tuesday for the last month! Sneaking home in the middle of the night and lying about what time you got home. One am? You fucking liar.'

Naomi took a deep breath, nodded her head as she took a moment to find the words. If Emily hadn't been so worked up she would have felt sorry for her girlfriend, for how hardly she hit her with the accusations.

'Great,' Naomi nodded, monotonously. 'You've got this so perfectly clear in your head haven't you? I knew this wasn't over.'

'What?' Emily asked, confounded.

'What I did with Sophia,' Naomi slouched into a seat opposite, rubbed her eyes. She looked tired. 'I actually thought maybe we'd be fine now. Five years later and you're throwing it back in my face.'

The anger didn't dissipate, if anything it only got worse as the tension between them increased. Emily didn't want to shatter her relationship, but she couldn't be made a fool of. Not after the last time.

'You're so fucking mature,' Naomi snapped, appearing just as angry in return.

'What did you expect me to think Naomi?'

'I expect you to trust me,' she roared, her voice growing louder.

'I do,' Emily began, realising her mistake before correcting it. 'I did.'

'Clearly,' Naomi rolled her eyes.

'Don't fucking turn this around to me,' Emily barked, gripping the table, her fists growing white. 'You're the one who's sleeping with someone behind my back. Who is it? Do I even know them?'

Under any other circumstances, Naomi's sarcastic laugh would have made Emily love her more; when they laughed at cheesy romantic-comedies, when they joked about the little old couple down the road.

But now, now she couldn't even look at her.

'Is it Cook?'

Naomi's laughter got worse.

'Christ Emily, you know how to have the argument to end all arguments don't you?'

'You're so fucking close, you and him kissing, almost having sex,' Emily reasoned. 'Wouldn't surprise me if you'd finally let him close enough.'

'Jesus, why am I even arguing this with you?' Naomi shook her head. 'I'm _gay_ Emily. I know I don't like to label myself but the last time I thought about fucking men was when I did everything I could to ignore the fact I was in love with you.'

'So it _is_ a woman.'

'No,' Naomi screeched, her frustration evident. 'I'm not having sex with anyone but _you_.'

'Then what have you been doing?'

Silence overshadowed them as Naomi shook her head, muttering something under her breath barely coherent.

'I wanted to tell you next week, on our anniversary,' Naomi whispered, her voice small. 'Now I don't want to tell you at all.'

The genuineness of Naomi's voice didn't escape Emily's notice, though she chose to ignore it; picking up, instead, on Naomi's words. She didn't want to feel the way that she did, she didn't want to be that angry, she just couldn't stop it.

'Always so fucking secretive.'

'Not secretive Emily,' Naomi shouted, becoming irate. 'It's not a bad thing. Why the fuck can't you trust me? I took you back, I trust you completely when I could very easily throw JJ in your fucking face.'

'JJ?' Emily asked, taken aback by Naomi's line of argument. 'What's he got to do with anything? That was seven fucking years ago.'

'And Sophia was six years ago but I can see you're thinking about it,' Naomi pointed out. 'You're thinking once a cheater always a fucking cheater.'

'You have form.'

'And? So do you.'

'Don't start that again,' Emily snapped. 'I'm gay Naomi, why would I sleep with JJ for any other reason than pity? A charity shag.'

'We'd _slept_ together Emily, can't you fucking see that?' Naomi mumbled, resting her head in her hands. 'We had sex, _my_ first time, _your_ first time. It wasn't like we'd both slept around. It meant something Emily. Then you just went to his house and let him bone you? How is that any different to Sophia?'

'You're comparing _that_ to Sophia?' Emily frowned. 'Fuck Naomi, you're clutching at fucking straws.'

'Clutching at straws?' Naomi sighed. 'You think I'm fucking cheating on you just because I lied about where I've been. You think it's Sophia all over again when I _told_ you, I wouldn't ever fucking cheat on you again.'

'You told me five years ago.'

'And I'm fucking telling you now,' Naomi snapped. 'Christ Emily.'

'Christ Naomi,' she mocked.

'One mistake, one fucking mistake six years ago and you're going to punish me for it for the rest of my life.'

'It's not like Sophia was the only incident,' Emily whispered, her voice cold and harsh.

'What do you mean?'

'What I did with JJ is no different to what you did with Cook, kissing him on the park across the road from your house.'

'You saw that?' Naomi's head shot up in surprise.

'Yes I fucking saw that. But I know it wasn't like that Naomi,' Emily wrapped her hands around her mug, could feel the absence of warmth. 'You were hurting, you both were. You needed fucking comfort.'

'So JJ was comfort?'

'Yes,' Emily whispered, her voice disappearing under the strain of the tears. 'I was hurt that you didn't want me, JJ told Katie that I was gay, I couldn't go home. I couldn't face my life. He wanted to have sex and I wanted…something. Anything to block out what was going on in my life.'

'So you fucked him?'

'He told me he just wanted to feel normal,' Emily informed her, recalling that night. 'Well, maybe for a moment I did too.'

'And fucking JJ did that?' Naomi asked, confused.

'Yes…no,' she sighed. 'I thought it would, being with a boy, I thought I would feel like everyone else feels. But I didn't, I just felt like shit. I still wanted to be with you and I still knew I was gay.'

She stood up, emptied her mug into the sink and filled the kettle with fresh water. The clock on the microwave read almost five; Emily rubbed her eyes as sleep began to overtake her. She took a second mug out of the cupboard, didn't even ask Naomi if she wanted a drink, made her one anyway.

'Thanks,' Naomi accepted.

'What happened with JJ didn't mean anything. It was just sex.'

'Sophia didn't mean anything either,' Naomi tried.

'Yes she did,' Emily reminded her. 'You started it Naomi. You were there. What she drew in her book, you put your hand on hers first. You kissed her and you let her kiss you back. Don't you see? You allowed it to get that far…and then you lied about it.'

'You lied too.'

Part of Emily wanted to admit defeat, accept that in many ways what she did was JJ was just as bad. But she couldn't do it; she couldn't accept it when she knew deep down that the two situations were very different.

'No. I didn't think it mattered,' Emily murmured. 'We weren't even fucking together Naomi. You rejected me. I was fucking hurting and I needed someone to be my friend. I was grateful to him, for being there. But that's all he's ever been. Aside from the fact I'm gay I would never go for someone like JJ, he's too sensitive for me.'

'Sophia was just a f…' Naomi attempted, before being shot down quickly.

'No, Naomi, she wasn't just a friend. You didn't even know her and you fucked her. Then when I asked you about it, you lied. We were in love Naomi; we'd made a fucking commitment to each other. We made plans to go travelling, then go to uni. We even fucking discussed moving in together once uni ended. We were forever, that's how we talked. We weren't still just a fucking experiment, but when I slept with JJ, we were, to you we were.'

The tea burned its way down her throat, warming up her whole body in a comforting way. She wanted to go to bed, wished there was an easy way to end their argument, but she knew deep down it would last as long as it needed to.

'Then when we did move in together, we talked about getting married,' Naomi whispered, standing up and walking out of the room.

Emily followed her with her eyes as she disappeared, waited with bated breath, expecting the door to slam shut. Instead Naomi returned, threw a little box on the table and stared at Emily.

'Fuck,' Emily gasped, her hand covering her mouth as realised just what Naomi had been keeping secret.

'Go on then, fucking open it.'

Her hands shook as she cracked open the dark purple box, inside she found a ring they'd seen in a shop a few months earlier. They'd been looking for a birthday present for Katie and somehow ended up looking at engagement rings.

'Naomi,' she cried, wiping away fresh tears. 'You were going to ask me to marry you?'

'See what happens when you make fucking assumptions?' Naomi cried, letting go of her own built up tears. 'I was going to ask you to fucking marry me, see why I lied?'

'Yes, I'm…I'm sorry.'

'Sorry? You think a fucking apology is going to fix this? You don't trust me, you've made that clear.'

Emily tried to process what Naomi was saying, but her heart was thumping too loudly. She wanted to fix it, to go back a few hours and go to bed, to wait until their anniversary to find out that Naomi wanted to marry her. Instead she'd shattered everything they'd built up in a few short accusations.

'And you trust me?' she tried, in an attempt to repair the breaks. 'What was that about JJ if it wasn't you not trusting me?'

'I was trying to show you how fucking stupid your arguments were,' Naomi informed her. 'I love you Emily, I wanted to marry you. I chose you, after everything in college. I chose to fucking be with you. I chose to accept myself as gay instead of hiding behind fucking boys. Don't you see the sacrifices I have made to my life to be with you?'

She nodded; wiping tears away from her cheeks as she listened to Naomi speak.

'When we were sixteen it fucking broke me to be with you, but then I slept with Sophia and it broke me to not be with you. Everything I've said since that night in Freddie's shed, I fucking meant it and when I lied to you this past month I did it because I wanted to make our future fucking special. I wanted to give you everything you've always wanted and I wanted to make you cry with happiness…not just, not this fucking shit. I don't want this, I've never wanted this. I just want you.'

'I want you too,' Emily cried, desperately.

'But you don't trust me,' Naomi sobbed, pushing her mug away.

'I,' Emily attempted, choking on her words.

'I can't go back to five years ago Emily, if you don't trust me, well, then maybe we should just end it now.'

Naomi's revelation took her by surprise. She hadn't expected it, even though their argument was heading into a difficult place, she still hoped that things would work out. They were Emily and Naomi, they were meant to be together and nothing would stop them. Until Naomi stood up and walked out of the room, walked out of the apartment.

Emily stared at her tea, wishing that Naomi would come back into the room like before. Eventually she gave up, picked up the ring, crawled into bed and closed her tearstained eyes.

By morning Emily had slept very little. She got out of bed, showered and got dressed as quickly as she could. She slipped the ring into her pocket and rode her bike across town. She approached the front door of Naomi's house, knocked and waited.

'Emily,' Naomi greeted her, with her lip tucked under her tooth.

Nerves overwhelmed Emily as she stood in front of Naomi, everything she'd thought about the night before still attempting to process.

'When you drive me around in your mum's old car, I trust that you won't kill me. When I ask you to pick me up from work, I trust that you'll turn up. When it's our anniversary and you say you want to plan the night, I trust that you won't take me to some crappy bar and buy me beer and chips. When it's Christmas or my birthday I trust that you know me well enough to buy me something I'll actually like. When I kissed you five years ago I put my trust in you that you wouldn't break my heart again. I can't always stop my heart from aching, or my head from thinking maybe I'm wrong, but I love you and I trust you with my life, my heart and my stupid, fucking head. And as I get down on one knee, I trust that you will help make our wedding the best day of our lives because we both want this.'

'You think words are enough?' Naomi sighed, staring down at Emily.

'No,' Emily shook her head, disappointed as she stood back up. 'I don't think words are enough. But five years ago you came to me having made the biggest mistake of your life and you made a speech about how much you loved me. I took you back. All I ask is that you do the same.'

'Okay.'

'Okay?'

'Yes, I'll do the same,' Naomi smiled. 'Yes, I'll fucking marry you Emily, on one condition.'

'What's the condition?' Emily checked, worried.

'That you let me fucking propose to you before we make it official, I've spent a whole month planning it. Christ Emily, I've spent three months thinking about it. Let me do it.'

'I will,' Emily grinned, her worries disappearing as Naomi wrapped her up in a passionate embrace.

They had a long way to go, the journey wouldn't be over, but now they were ready. Sophia and JJ were issues they'd kept hidden; kept locked up inside ready for the day they'd resurface. Now they'd put them behind them and they could finally move on. Together, happy, married.


End file.
